Sunday, March 30, 2014

Again and again and again

It has been a few weeks since I last wrote.  I had been avoiding the blog, because it would be the same old story.

I have worked outside the home from the beginning of our marriage.  Kids were born, and I continued to work.  Our kids have come to an age where I wish I was home.  And every week I am wishing that this particular dream/blessing would come to light and come true.  And every week I sink a little lower when it doesn't happen.

I love what I do, but it has changed since last year.  I find myself just trying to make it through the day without letting on how miserable I am.  My problem, I bring my misery home because I have no outlet at work.  I am consistently helping everyone, but myself.  I help the PT in the office, I help the patients in office, I help the receptionist in the office, I come home and I help the kids as best I can.  Yet, I always bring a poor attitude home and it affects me, and I know it affects my children.  I try so hard and yet I feel like they keep their distance because they are afraid of tipping the scale to far and getting an earful from their me.

I can't keep up at home.  My life is being affected in ways that I didn't want to happen.  I just want for someone to see beyond my fake smile and know that I am not okay, because I won't tell anyone, because I have to stay strong.  I have to maintain that everything on the inside is the same as the outside.

I feel lost and am trying to find my way.  Someday soon it has to all change for the better.

Monday, March 03, 2014

The Dreaded Phone Call From Your Child's School

You all know those phone calls.  The ones where the secretary is telling you to remain calm.  Are you able to come to the school and pick up your child.  There was an accident.  You might want to have him checked out.  That is the phone call that I received at 11:11 am this morning while at work.  Those are the only phone calls that I take when I am at work if there are patients in the office.

Here are the details of what happened.  All mom's of boys have all had this happen at some point.  If it hasn't happened yet, give it some time, it will.  Cameron was playing on the playground equipment.  Somehow or another he was tripped while running up the stairs, fell down, and his face and mouth met the next step.  Which made for a cracked front tooth and another very loose front tooth.

A trip to the dentist, and he said we should wait until Friday to see what happens with the roots of his two front teeth, in the event that there was so much trauma that a root canal would need to happen.  He didn't want to do any work today if there was more work that was going to need to happen.  A big relief to my pocket book at this point.

I remember a similar situation during my elementary school years, only my teeth met a rather sturdy metal pole.  To this day I have never played fox in a box.  Lesson for those with little girls who like to jump rope, make sure to look strait ahead, and don't look back to see if you are going to be tagged, metal poles come out of nowhere and crack teeth.  My situation was not nearly as severe as my son's.  I did though have to have the tooth repaired, I exposed the nerve and that is very painful.  I had to have the same dentistry work done two years later after the first  because my face met the side of a pool while playing Marco Polo.  Did I mention I have a very expensive mouth.  I do, 6 years of braces, two sets of retainers (3 if you count the pair I broke in Jr. High) and now a crown to boot.

I can look at this event and be grateful though.  At least Cameron did not hit his nose that was repaired during the summer.  He ran into a metal pole (those darn metal poles again), broke it, and had to have surgery to repair it.  I have come to realize that there are probably many more times that something is going to happen to Cameron and his mouth, nose, or face in years to come.  There is just something about that kid.  He must have a target on that cute little face of his.

I think we are going to be doing a lot of washing to see if we can remove the target.